Twenty years ago, in December of 1995, comedian Jeff Foxworthy took the holiday-season by storm by releasing a parody of The 12 Days Of Christmas – using a page out of his own playbook – called the Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas!
It quickly became an instant holiday classic!
Yesterday, we talked about how much the 12 Days Of Christmas costs in 2015 dollars, and it made us think: How much would the Redneck 12 days of Christmas cost in 2015 dollars?!
After doing some research, and putting the pen to the paper, and here’s what we came up with:
12 Pack of Bud(weiser):
Cans, on-sale at The Fridge Wholesale liquor – $10.39
11 ‘rasslin tickets:
We have two options here:
We could go watch the WWE Smackdown tonite in Hershey, PA
Stubhub.com
Orrrrrrrr…..
We could save up our money and go watch Wrestlemania XXXII in Dallas in April!
Ya, let’s do that!
Stubhub.com
11 Wrestlemania XXXIII tickets – $297
10 (tin) of Copenhagen:
This lyric has been disputed for two decades now. While this fills the number “10” slot like the classic version, a can of chewing tobacco is often referred-to as a “tin”, so…
Let’s just keep it basic.
Priced at the Hop N Skip convenience store, Kimball & Tuttle Creek in Manhattan:
Can of Copenhagen Long Cut – $4.30…x 10 = $44.30
9 years probation:
Here’s my thoughts for this, so follow along.
If you’re on probation for NINE years, for starters, you royally screwed up. You also HAD TO HAVE had both a lenient judge and a good attorney to stay out of jail. (Nine years probation is a long time)
As I look at it, since you’re only going to be on probation instead of being in the clink, you’re gonna save the State some hot food and cot money.
In Kansas, it costs $18,207 year to house an inmate. Over nine years, that’s $163,863 saved…
BUT!
Since you’re still a butthead that broke the law and got yourself put onto probation for nearly a decade, your supervision will also cost some money i.e. a probation officer!
The median salary for a probation officer is $48,190
Over nine years, that’s $433,710…
Including your out-of-jail credit, that’s $269,847 your probation will cost the State!!!
8 table dancers
What would make me get on a table and dance?!
Tequila!!
At the Fridge Wholesale Liquor in Manhattan, Jose Cuervo Gold is on-sale right now for $29.99 for a 1.75ml bottle:
In a 1.75ml bottle, there’s enough booze for approximately 40 shots
40 shots divided by 8 is about 5 shots per person
Using the old-fashioned chart of 0.02 of BAC per shot, five shots would raise the average person’s BAC to 0.10
0.10 would make you legally drunk
…that should make you dance on a table!!
8 table dancers = one 1.75ml bottle of Jose = $29.99
7 packs of Red Man
$7.09
X 7
$49.63 for 7 packs of RedMan
6 cans of Spam
$2.98/Ea.
$17.88 for 6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
Walmart.com
$9.88 x 5
5 flannel shirts for $49.40
4 Big Mud Tires
We’re going modest and practical here. In true redneck fashion, any good ole boy would love to have some 44″ Super Swampers on..but again, they’re not practical! Let’s stick with a modest 35 x 12.50R17
$317/Ea.
x 4
4 big mud tires = $1,268 (not including installation)
3 Shotgun Shells
Walmart.com
$11.57/Box
25 shells per box
0.48/each
$1.44 for three shotgun shells
2 Hunting Dogs
You can have your choice here:
Would you like a beautiful Brittany Spaniel?
or how about an English Setter?
Finding the average price – $775/Each
x 2
Two (good) hunting dogs will cost you $1,550
and then lastly…
Some parts to a Mustang GT
That could be anything! So lets say:
$1,000 for Mustang GT parts
So let’s tally that up!
Between your booze, tobacco, tires, ammunition, food and clothing, the grand total for the Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas in 2015 dollars is:
$274,165.03!
It IS more expensive to be a Redneck!
-Tyler Jackson, Tyler & Megan
